Processing a divorce and/or a separation can be extremely difficult. This includes dealing with a range of emotions, embarking on a new financial situation, and of course the sudden life changes - for you and our kids. While you are not alone, this can all be very difficult to process and navigate.
An important part of this process is your healing and recovery, which may include leaning on friends and family members for support, speaking to a trusted therapist, and journaling. Journaling allows you to have a private, judgment-free space to process these complex emotions as well as to help you gain clarity, reduce anxiety, and begin to heal, allowing for honest self-reflection and emotional release.
Below, we’re sharing some journaling tips to help you to organize and process your thoughts, making it easier to identify patterns and track progress over time. This can support better decision-making and foster a sense of control during a chaotic period.
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Journaling can be very impactful at various stages of your life, especially as you navigate and release wounds from your past relationships:
It can help you with the following:
Establishing a structured journaling practice can be helpful during a divorce and/or separation to prevent unproductive rumination as well as to help with an emotional release. A daily approach is ideal but it’s also important not to be too hard on yourself if it takes time to get into a daily rhythm.
Here’s more about how to get started:
Select a journal format that best fits your lifestyle and privacy needs. This may include the following:
Physical Journal: Handwriting can be very therapeutic and tangible, allowing you to process and “see” your thoughts on the page.
Digital Journal: This can offer an easy-of-use for those on-the-go or need something that is simple and organized.This can also be the notes section in your phone where you jot down your thoughts. Don’t overthink it; just write.
Audio recording: This can be useful for those who process thoughts verbally.
While adding something new to your schedule might be the last thing you want to do, it’s important to realize that you are doing this for yourself. You can start small by writing 5-10 minus everyday, which can build-up to longer sessions. Make this process a ritual with your favorite cup of tea and gentle background music to establish a peaceful mood. Think of it as a gift you are giving yourself. The key is consistency and writing at the same time every day to form a habit. As you adapt to this new mode of writing, focus on meaningful reflection rather than filling pages.
Another way to help with journaling and writing is via prompts and/or divorce journaling prompts. They can help focus your writing and steer it towards constructive reflection. This can also be incorporated with mediation where you write after you have an inner reflection. There is no right or wrong way to reflect. This can include prompts such as:
There are so many people experiencing life changes such as a divorce and/or separation. Seek out a local support group that focuses on journal writing or reflection. This can be helping for you to have a structured group to share as well as to hear other people's stories.
Journaling can also be used as a part of your therapy. After you reflect alone, you might also want to discuss some of these learnings with a therapist and/or trusted friend.
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Sometimes the words just aren't there. Consider letting your mind roam by doodling, drawing, or coloring. This can also be freeing, allowing you to release roaming thoughts as you tap into creative expression.
With a divorce or a separation, rumination and repetitive thinking is bound to happen. This can make your anxiety worse, leading to depression. You want the journaling process to help you move forward, and not have you stuck in the past.
Here’s some ways to avoid negative writing:
Research shows that brief, focused sessions (15-20 minutes) are more beneficial than extended emotional writing. For some, spending too much time journaling can intensify negative emotions and may leave you feeling drained or overwhelmed.
Redirect negative thought patterns by following problems with possible solutions or lessons learned. For example, after describing a challenge, write about what you can do differently next time or what you learned from the experience. Prompts to encourage solution-focused thinking:
Practicing gratitude can shift your focus from loss to appreciation, even during difficult times. Try this by ending each journal entry by listing all of the things you’re grateful for. This can be small (a supportive friend, a good meal) to significant (your children, your resilience, your beliefs in yourself). No matter what it is, this can be important for you to self-reflect and better see your incredible blessings.
Journaling isn’t just for emotional healing; it can be freeing and fun as you explore your past, present, and goals for the future. As a part of your new life, journaling can be a reflective and empowering way for you to heal as you embark on the next stage of your post-divorce life.
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