Holidays are a special and fun time of year for many families, but those who are going through a divorce and/or separation may have a different experience, especially when it comes to money. While you may have sorted out the physical plan for your kids, figuring out spending may or may not have been outlined as you start to think about gifting. This might include a range of questions such as Should you get a shared gift?, Should gifting be separate?, Do you have to tell your ex about what you’re buying?, How much should you be spending? and so on.
No matter what the scenario is, it’s important to communicate, make a holiday spending plan, and to create a budget. Financial transparency and planning can help reduce conflict and make the new normal a whole lot easier. Read on as we share more about how to create a holiday spending plan that both parties can agree on.
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The holidays always seem to “pop up” sooner than you think. The key with holiday planning is to start sooner than you think. This includes starting budget discussions early, which can include conversations about budgeting, payment options, documentation, and various holiday expenses.
If you are splitting costs with your ex, you first have to determine a holiday budget. This is based on both of your financial situations. As a part of this planning, discuss spending limits for gifts, travel, and special holiday events. During this time, you should also consider the expectations of your kids while also being realistic about your new financial reality. This might also include a discussion with your kids about setting spending limits or a limited number of gifts.
Once you have your budget, decide how to handle payments. This could be joint purchases, alternating years of buying, and/or proportional contributions, depending on each of your current financial situations. Consider using a dedicated payment platform or money organization app - such as Blended - for tracking shared expenses. Blended allows you and your ex to automate the tracking of expenses and to send clear itemized invoices. This can help and your ex with gifting and reimbursements if one person is coordinating more of the shopping.
Documentation is so important during most parts of the post-divorce and separation process, especially during the holidays. Keep detailed records of all holiday-related expenses to prevent misunderstandings and evidence in case any disputes arise. You can also keep detailed records on a shared drive and/or spreadsheet for easy access.
In some instances, the holidays don’t just involve costs for your kids. It could also involve costs for gifts for friends, holidays events, a teacher gift, a Secret Santa, and more. Just like you made a plan for your kids’ presents, you should do the same for miscellaneous holiday gifting.
If you are giving gifts separately, it’s important to coordinate your kids’ lists and determine who is getting what. This can be a simple Excel form with a column to indicate who is buying what. You also don’t want to make gift buying a competition where one parent ‘out buys’ another. Keep it civil and simple.
Another option is to split costs for gifts. This option can seem fair - on paper -but it should also be determined based on the financial ability of each parent eg: one person makes more money than the other. If you are splitting costs - and one person is doing the buying more than the other - it’s important to track everything and keep your receipts. You can also use a financial sharing app like Blended to share costs and track.
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While documentation and communication are essential sometimes disagreements may happen, especially when spending can be a little out of control. Below, we’re sharing some tips on what to do when this happens.
If you or your ex spends more than the agreed upon amount make sure to discuss this as soon as you learn about the cost. The holidays are exciting and post-divorce or separation, you may want to spend beyond your means. Make sure everyone is aware of this and make sure you detail and explain the expense to avoid anxiety and anger.
During this time, you might want to also refer to any existing agreements or court orders regarding unplanned expenses. Explain which types of holiday expenses might fall under different categories in divorce agreements (necessary vs. discretionary, etc.).
In some instances - generally if communication is poor - you might need third-party assistance such as mediation for holiday expense disputes. This could help to resolve financial disagreements with a neutral party.
While the holidays are fun and joyful, it can be tricky when navigating finances with your ex. Having a plan can help mitigate any frustration as you focus on making it a fun time for your kids.
Blended was founded by three single parents with the mission of helping single and divorced parents easily track and split co-parenting expenses. With Blended, you can automate the tracking of your expenses and send clear itemized invoices each month to your co-parent with easy payment options. Get reimbursed faster and more accurately with Blended.
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Track, Share, Settle Co-Parenting Expenses; Learn more at blended.app