Thanksgiving can be a joyous time to be with family and friends as well as a fun way to enjoy a beloved familial tradition. However, you may be experiencing a mixed bag of emotions this time of year, especially if you’re going through a divorce or separation.
This can include a range of emotions such as feelings of loss, grief, sadness, anger, and/or anxiety as you navigate this new terrain. As difficult as it may be, these feelings are completely normal and part of the adjustment process. Below, we’re sharing more about how to navigate your first thanksgiving after a divorce to help you process this time of year and make a plan.
Communication is key throughout all parts of the co-parenting process, especially during the holidays. While the shifting of certain traditions and family gatherings can trigger a sense of grief, it’s important to process these feelings and talk about them. Connecting with a therapist or a trusted friend or family member is crucial.
During this time your children may also be processing complex feelings – about your separation and/or divorce and changes in their regular Thanksgiving plans. They might feel confused, sad, or unsure about splitting time or not seeing one of their parents.
For your kids, it’s important to do the following:
While there is no perfect science to all of this, it’s important to establish honest conversations early-on so everything is clear to them as you shift into new routines.
Related Read: 5 Common Co-Parenting Financial Challenges & How to Solve Them
It’s very important (in general) to establish clear, respectful communication with your ex-spouse. This is especially true when you’re figuring out your Thanksgiving plans. This includes having these conversations early on to establish a plan that doesn’t feel stressful, rushed, or disorganized.
Related Read: Financial Checklist After Divorce: A Single Mom’s Guide to Starting Over
Create a Communication Timeline: If you don’t have a formal agreement, discuss Thanksgiving plans at least 4-6 weeks in advance. This can allow for planning and compromise.
Use Communication Tools: Use communication channels that minimize conflict, such as text, email, or co-parenting apps like Blended, especially for sensitive holiday discussions and/or financial issues.
Establish Boundaries: Keep conversations focused on your children’s needs rather than past relationship issues. Avoid bringing up unrelated grievances.
Documentation: If needed, document all agreements about Thanksgiving plans in writing to prevent misunderstandings and provide a reference if disputes arise.
Splitting drop-offs and pick-ups between two households? A nightmare if you don’t plan it right. Here’s what helps:
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This can be the trickiest part to navigate, which can involve a range of scenarios from splitting Thanksgiving between divorced parents to having it together with your kids to your kids being with your co-parent. Below, we’re sharing more about the different options:
This involves one parent having the children for the entire Thanksgiving Day. It can simplify logistics and allow for a full day of celebration. Deciding which parent hosts may depend on existing custody arrangements, family traditions, or a mutual agreement.
The other parent can celebrate on a different day or create a special alternative tradition, such as a Thanksgiving breakfast or for an extended weekend.
Another option is to take turns for Thanksgiving. This can provide consistency and equalness over time for both you and your kids. Additionally, this method allows both parents to plan ahead and ensures children get to experience the holiday with each parent. Document the rotation schedule in your shared calendar to avoid confusion and disputes.
Parents who live nearby may also want to divide Thanksgiving between both parents, allowing children to see both sides of the family. However, this option requires planning around timing, transportation, and transitions to minimize stress for children. Consider factors like travel distance, meal times, and the children’s ages to make the day as smooth as possible.
If your divorce is amicable, celebrating together can provide a sense of continuity for your children. This option works best when both parents can set clear boundaries with a focus on your kids' enjoyment.
Even if you have an amicable relationship, you should still plan to discuss expectations and logistics in advance to ensure that you are both on the same page.
Blended was founded by three single parents with the mission of helping single and divorced parents easily track and split co-parenting expenses. With Blended, you can automate the tracking of your expenses and send clear itemized invoices each month to your co-parent with easy payment options. Get reimbursed faster and more accurately with Blended.
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Track, Share, Settle Co-Parenting Expenses; Learn more at blended.app