Who to Talk to When You're Thinking about Divorce: A Complete Guide
Serena Norr
December 5, 2025
Co-Parenting
Who to Talk to When You're Thinking about Divorce: A Complete Guide
Recognizing the Emotional and Practical Signs of Divorce
It can be incredibly difficult to think about getting a divorce. Even if you and your ex know things aren’t working out, there is still a huge emotional - not to mention finance and mental - toll that this decision can present.
However, if you’re experiencing persistent unhappiness, dealing with communication breakdowns, feeling disconnected, living separate lives, dealing with frequent arguments, and/or ongoing resentment in your marriage - and have exhausted all possible options - a divorce might be the next step in your relationship.
While this is no easy decision, talking it through may help you to find some clarity. Here are some signs that it might be time to talk to someone about getting a divorce and/or separation:
Constant feelings of loneliness or isolation in the marriage
Repeated, unresolved conflicts
Lack of intimacy or affection
Living more like roommates than partners
Considering divorce as a solution more often than not
Below, we're sharing more about who to talk to as you navigate this process.
Why Slowing Down Can Help You Think About Divorce More Clearly
While you might be miserable, conflicted, and angry, you should refrain from rushing a major life decision such as a divorce. This is especially true when emotions are high, which can cloud judgment during marriage difficulties.
As you are processing these changes, try to slow down so you can think and reflect. Here are some tips to help guide you:
Journal your thoughts and feelings
Take a break from heated discussions
Seek a neutral third-party perspective for clarity and perspective.
Professionals to Talk to When You’re Thinking About a Divorce
While friends and family can be helpful to vent your issues, seeking guidance from a professional is really the best way to sort through feelings around a divorce. Here are some resources/people to reach out to:
1. Therapists and Counselors
Types: Marriage counselors, individual therapists, discernment counseling specialists.
What they can help with: Emotional support, improving communication, clarifying relationship issues, and helping you decide if divorce is the right step.
When to seek them out: Early in the process, before making final decisions.
Typical costs and insurance considerations: Sessions may range from $75–$200 per hour; some insurance plans cover therapy.
What to look for in a good therapist for divorce considerations:
Experience with marital issues or divorce
Neutral, non-judgmental approach
Clear communication style
Positive reviews or recommendations
2. Mediators
Definition: Neutral third-party professionals who help spouses reach agreements on divorce terms.
How they differ from attorneys: Mediators facilitate discussion and compromise, while attorneys represent individual interests.
When mediation is most beneficial: When both parties are open to negotiation and want to avoid court battles.
Typical costs and time commitment: $100–$300 per hour; usually fewer sessions than court proceedings.
Benefits of using a mediator:
Less adversarial process
Cost-effective compared to litigation
Preserves a working relationship for co-parenting
3. Divorce Attorneys
Role: Provides legal advice, explains your rights and responsibilities, and guides you through the divorce process.
When to consult one: Even in the thinking stage, to understand your options and protect your interests.
What to look for in a good divorce attorney:
Experience with cases similar to yours
Clear communication and responsiveness
Transparent fee structure
Consultation fees and typical costs: Initial consultations may be free or range from $100–$400; full representation varies widely.
Key questions to ask during an initial consultation:
What is your experience with cases like mine?
What are my legal options?
What are the likely outcomes in my situation?
4. Financial Advisors
Why financial guidance is crucial: Divorce can have significant financial consequences, so understanding your assets, debts, and future needs is essential.
What financial aspects they can help clarify: Asset division, budgeting for post-divorce life, tax implications, retirement planning.
Typical costs and how to find one: Hourly rates ($150–$400); look for professionals with divorce-specific experience.
Key financial questions to consider:
What will my financial situation look like after divorce?
How should we divide assets and debts?
What do we do if we have debt?
How do we divide our home?
Who pays for childcare?
What are the tax implications of different settlement options?
Steps to Take Before You Finalize Your Decision
1. Organize Financial Documents
During this process, it is important that you gather all essential documents so that experts can advise you.
This includes the following:
Recent pay stubs
Mortgage statements
Credit card statements
Insurance policies
Tax returns
Bank statements
Investment accounts
Property deeds
Loan documents
529 accounts
Retirement accounts, etc.
2. Have Open Conversations With Trusted Friends/Family
While connecting with professionals is key, it is also important to have a trusted - and non-judgemental - support network to talk to.
These are people you can really talk to about emotional challenges and struggles. While these are trusted people, it’s also key to mention boundaries such as not oversharing or involving children as well as not gossiping to others in your network.
3. Consider Support for Mental Health
While professionals and family/friends are essential as you contemplate a divorce, you may require additional support for your mental health. Divorce takes a huge emotional toll on an individual/family where you will need to protect and nature your self-care. This might exercise, meditation, or creative outlets. If you’re experiencing persistent sadness, anxiety, or inability to function, you may require additional mental health support such as:
Crisis hotlines
Online support groups
Employee assistance programs (EAPs)
Remember, seeing help is a sign of strength for both you and your family.
Looking Ahead With Confidence
Once the decision is made, it’s time to forge ahead in the process. This includes a range of steps that may differ per state.
The key is to prepare for better outcomes, find the right support team, and to stay positive. Once the process is resolved and settled, you’ll find happiness and stability post-divorce.
How do I know if I should talk to someone about my marriage problems?
Consider seeking professional help when problems persist despite your efforts to resolve them, or when communication has broken down completely.
What if my spouse refuses to participate in counseling?
You can still benefit from individual therapy to gain clarity and develop coping strategies, regardless of your spouse's willingness to participate.
How do I find a divorce mediator with experience in my situation?
Contact your local bar association for referrals to qualified mediators, or ask for recommendations from therapists who specialize in divorce counseling.
When is the best time to consult a divorce attorney?
It's beneficial to consult an attorney early in your decision-making process to understand your rights and options, even if you're still uncertain about divorce.
How can I manage shared expenses fairly during separation?
Use a dedicated expense tracking tool like Blended that provides documentation and transparency while reducing direct financial conflicts during the separation process.
Try the Blended App for Free
Blended was founded by three single parents with the mission of helping single and divorced parents easily track and split co-parenting expenses. With Blended, you can automate the tracking of your expenses and send clear itemized invoices each month to your co-parent with easy payment options. Get reimbursed faster and more accurately with Blended.
Track, Share, Settle Co-Parenting Expenses; Learn more at blended.app
Serena Norr
-
Head of Content and SEO
Serena Norr is the Head of Content/SEO and a digital editorial leader with over 20 years of experience.
.png)